Be the Main Course, Not the Dessert: Building a Life of Substance

We all want to live fulfilling lives, but sometimes, we end up chasing aesthetics, neglecting the substance that truly matters. Recently, I experienced a metaphor that gave me some clarity on this issue, and it all started with crumble cookies.

The Crumble Cookie Dilemma

The other day, someone sent me some Crumble Cookies. If you’ve never had them, these are probably some of the most delicious cookies you’ll ever taste. You take one bite, and you’re in heaven. I glanced at the nutrition facts: 180 calories. Not bad, right? But as I read further, I realized that 180 calories were for one-fourth of a cookie! So, in reality, I was staring at a 700-calorie treat.

I thought to myself, Who eats one-fourth of a cookie? These cookies look good, taste good, and feel good, but they lack real substance. It got me thinking about life and how we often focus on what looks good on the outside without considering if it truly feeds us on the inside. Are we living lives filled with substance, or are we just looking good on the surface like a Crumble Cookie?

From Fluff to Facts: Are You Living with Substance?

There are many of us who live lives filled with fluff, hoping people won’t notice there’s no substance beneath. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in your personal growth, being all frosting with no real cake inside catches up with you eventually. People will notice if you’re all talk and no action.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it also wasn’t built by merely talking about it. To build something real, you need action and authenticity. What you do matters more than what you say you’ll do. If you want to live a life of substance, you have to start by being real—not just on the outside, but in every aspect of your life.

Action Step 1: Identify the “Fluff” in Your Life

We all have “fluff” moments or areas where we’re not being as authentic as we could be. Take a moment to think about your life. Are there areas where you’re just trying to look good rather than actually be good? Maybe it’s at work, where you take on tasks just to impress, or in social settings, where you’re not being your authentic self.

• Write down three areas of your life where you feel you’re just putting on a show.
• Ask yourself if these areas bring real value to your life or if they’re just empty calories.

The Efficiency of Authenticity: The Power of Being You

One thing I’ve realized is that when you know who you are and you act from that place, you become much more efficient. You spend less time trying to pretend, less time trying to fit in, and more time becoming the best version of you.

For example, I’ve never enjoyed large social gatherings, but I love to communicate. So, I’ve built my career around speaking from the stage and doing podcasts like this. When I embraced my truth, I became more effective, which ultimately allowed me to serve you better.

Action Step 2: Identify What Truly Fulfills You

• Think of a time when you felt most fulfilled and authentic. What were you doing? Who were you with?
• Focus on how you can incorporate more of that authentic experience into your daily life.

Are You the Main Course or the Dessert?

Let me ask you: Are you living as the entrée of your life, or are you content being the dessert? When people go to a restaurant, they’re thinking about the main course, not the dessert. Dessert is an afterthought, something that only gets served if there’s room.

Similarly, if you’re living life hoping to be noticed, waiting for others to validate you, you’re missing the point. You have to offer substance—something that truly feeds the people around you, not just sprinkles on top.

Action Step 3: Shift Your Mindset from Dessert to Entrée

• Think about the value you bring to your job, your relationships, and your community. Are you a nice-to-have or a must-have?
• Make a list of skills, values, or characteristics that you offer that add real substance to the lives of others.

Bring Value, Not Aesthetics

The reason some entertainers, entrepreneurs, and leaders stand out isn’t just because of talent or appearance. They bring value to every situation they’re in. They create a real impact. If you want to be someone that people turn to, you have to bring value. You have to be the person that moves the needle, takes the necessary actions, and makes a difference.

So many of us get caught up in the aesthetics—how we look, how we sound, how others perceive us. But substance will always outweigh aesthetics in the long run. The impact you have on others is what will make you memorable and valuable.

Action Step 4: Focus on the Impact You Make

• Ask yourself daily, How am I adding value to this situation or person? This simple question will help you stay aligned with your purpose.
• Look at your schedule for the next week and plan moments where you can intentionally bring value, whether through a conversation, a task, or an opportunity to serve.

Live as the Main Course

Your life should be the main event, not an afterthought. Quit living as if you’re hoping someone will have room for you. You’re meant to be the entrée—the reason people show up. And the best way to do that is by being authentically and unapologetically yourself, by focusing on what truly feeds and fulfills you, and by creating impact wherever you go.

So, this week, as you face challenges or opportunities, ask yourself: Am I living as the dessert or the main course?Because only one of them feeds people and brings true satisfaction.